when i quit playing club soccer after 8th grade and went on birth control at the same time (only because i used to pass out and/or get violently ill every time i got my period) i gained a ton of weight. i was fine with it all through high school and it didn’t really bother me since most of my friends were bigger too, and even in college i had absolutely no problem since i was able to make friends easily and still maintained my outgoing personality.
in 10th grade i was sick of everything (just one of the reasons i studied abroad my junior year) but decided to sign up for a pilates class at the matthews community center, i was definitely the youngest girl there, most of the people were middle-age soccer moms in too-tight pants trying to be cool, but it was fabulous, a dark room, relaxing music and a bit of a work-out too.
then i came to the realization in college that i did not want to be fat on my 21st birthday, simple as that. so my 20th birthday was the date that i decided to start working out again. after all in 8th grade i used to run for 60+ minutes every other day, so i could totally do it again right?! haha well, not so much…and due to the fact that i blew out my knees playing soccer, running was definitely not in store for the immediate future. i turned back to pilates and my faithful little elliptical. i only had two rules: 1. work out more days per week than not and 2. don’t eat after 9 pm (which in college was all drunk food or gross fatty food)
things were going well, and over the summer in d.c. was where the real magic happened. i was able to work out every day and eat super healthy since i was the one doing all the grocery shopping. let me clarify that i never skipped meals, i like food too much to do that, and i still eat ice cream, chocolate and all that good stuff. to date (1 year and 7 months later) i have lost over 50 pounds (woohoo!) and today, for the first time EVER wore a bikini to the pool not feeling self-conscious, and i’ve been able to start running again, which is super exciting!
so the moral of the story is that pilates now is relaxing and fun addition to my workout routine, and without it i feel i would be completely lost. and now i still love working out in the dark—we’ve just moved on to bigger and better things, like zumba. lol
…of not being able to find a job. the feeling of being completely out of control is not one that i’m fond of, at all, ever.
i seriously don’t know where else to look! i wish there was a job fairy who would magically find me the right job and package it up nicely in a little box and put it under my pillow while i slept. i would move anywhere, literally anywhere to have a job. at least now i get rejection emails instead of just endlessly not knowing where i stand. but at the same time i’d like to think of myself as hard-working and relatively intelligent, so why on earth is this so difficult? bleh.
its amazing how many fake promises we make to each other, the planning outings and vacations that will never happen, saying that you’ll always be there when in reality you physically can’t make it, the call-me-any-time-of-the-night but my phone might-be-on-silent, i know i’m guilty of all of the above, but there are times i just need to shut out the rest of the world because i’m too afraid of being disappointed or let down again
well over the years i’ve learned to not have high expectations of others, that way you’re not disappointed when things don’t go the way you expected, however sometimes that way of thinking has quite the opposite effect and i am instead pleasantly surprised by the good hearts in other people
talking about plans and promising to visit is one thing, but remembering those plans and actually doing it is quite another. let’s just say that tonight my summer was made, even if nothing further happens. i am hopeful. i am optimistic. and i will be patient, as hard as it may be.
…is that i’ve had this job for exactly two weeks (as of today) and i may already be in the running for a promotion! this is definitely exciting as it would mean a regular schedule and a pay raise (woohoo!). it was only slightly creepy the way one of the managers went about covertly asking me if i was interested haha. we shall see though, nothing’s official yet, but i know my name’s in the mix.
tomorrow is my first day off all week, and i’m super super excited, first on the list is laundry (since i only have one work outfit, and it’s been worn waaay too much this week already) and the gym—perhaps simultaneously, followed by a visit to uptown for some cleaning/organizing/free lunch, and then depending on how ambitious i feel an oil change and/or haircut!
on the real job front there’s nothing new to report, i want an interview somewhere, thats all, just a little baby interview. it seems to be that with all things in my life (or all good things at least) i’m forced to be patient.
i was waitlisted for the scholarship i received to study abroad in germany, got it two months later
i was waitlisted for my top choice college, which i got into two weeks after i submitted my decision to SHU
i couldn’t get an internship to save my life the summer after sophomore year until 2 weeks before summer started when i FINALLY got one, bought a plane ticket and flew to berlin
i applied for an internship with the state dept. for 5 semesters before i finally got accepted
so my thinking is that i just need to wait this out, keep applying for jobs, and just wait it out and eventually the right one will come along
so this summer has not been the best so far, i graduated in may and did not have any sort of post-grad plan, no grad school (too expensive and i don’t quite know what i want a master’s in…the issue of what degree has since been remedied), and no job or internship offers. my only option remaining was to come back to north carolina, where my family lives and mooch away until something better came along
it’s the middle of june now, i’ve secured a part-time job as glitter queen at my local michael’s but there’s so far nothing on the horizon for a “real person” job. a day in my life consists of
going to the gym for at least 1.5 hours (mainly because i have nothing better to do)
working (if i’m scheduled, which is anywhere from 10-30 hours a week)
being useless online
applying for jobs
sometimes i even exile myself to panera where i know i can write decent cover letters, but i’m just not even sure about life anymore, it’s so discouraging to not even get an interview for a job :(
worst of all, i have no friends in north carolina, i don’t speak to people from high school anymore (aka there are reasons i went to college so far away from home) and i’m not sure how to go about making new friends aside from people i see at the gym or at work, since those are really my only two social outings right now. what i want more than anything in the whole wide world is to be back in new jersey (ugh i never thought i’d say that) with my friends who understand me, rather than with my family who i feel merely tolerates my presence.